Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Tantra for Gay Men podcast hosted by Jason and Ingo Tantra. Here we’re exploring spirituality and personal growth through the practice of Tantra, the body, energy and sex. 

 

Hello there, I’m Jason Tantra and welcome to episode 20 of the Tantra for Gay Men podcast. Today, um, Ingo and I thought we were talking about, um, unsatisfactory sex and unsatisfactory partners in sex. And what this developed into was a really great, fruitful, deep conversation about how shame, about how our judgments, about how our thoughts, basically about what’s going on in our head, gets in the way of us having the most amazing sex possible.

 

So really listen through to this whole podcast, because the, um, the conversation takes many Curves and corners that could be really useful and really bring up and trigger different ideas for you to explore. At the end of the podcast, we also talk about our 2025 workshop and retreat and festival program.

 

So if you’re interested to hear about what we’ve got lined up for 2025, again, listen all the way through to the end. I hope you enjoy this podcast. Take care. Bye bye.  Hello there, beautiful Ingo. Hello, Jason. Welcome to episode 20 of the Tantra for Gay Men Podcast. We have been at this for what, more than nine, 10 months?

 

Something like that, right? Yeah. This is the 20th episode and Wow. Today should, should we talk about what we’re gonna talk about today? Yes. So the topic, today’s topic, this is a really common thing that. I hear often from men in our workshops, retreats, online, and it’s basically, I can’t find good sex partners.

 

The sexual partners I have are  unsatisfactory, all the connections that I have are unsatisfactory. And I think there’s many different ways that we could.  approach this because there’s a whole range of different ideas that come up for me. So some people listening will be, um,  either in a long term, maybe in a long term relationship, maybe in a monogamous relationship, and maybe there’s some things around sexual issues or sex not happening in the way that you need, want it to.

 

There’s also something about more, um, brief encounters. Um, so good old Grindr and good old other ways of meeting people for sex, for brief encounters and also  something about, you know, having tantric lovers, which we talked about in a previous episode. But in this one, what I wanted to, um, look at in difference to the one that we did a couple of episodes ago is to really explore.

 

this idea of unsatisfactory sex and There’s different angles. I want to take a look at but one of those is  How present are you in the sex that you’re having and how present are you in the? sensations that are happening in your body to the process that’s going on between you and to all the What’s happening between you and the other person and I think there’s a whole myriad of different things there  I completely agree that these two sides that there are two sides that need to be right Basically your relationship to yourself whilst to your own body whilst you’re having sex and that’s one thing too  That’s almost one kind of realm to, to, to, to work on.

 

And then the other one is also to get, let’s say the connection, the communication right with the other person, especially, especially, um, if it’s in a context where you, you know, where you don’t usually talk about sex much, which can be in a long term relationship, or it can be, you know, with someone.  It almost makes me laugh.

 

Someone you just met on Grindr and you have met, you know, you, it’s a few seconds you have met and then. You can sometimes go in with the expectation to have amazing sex,  but you don’t even know what’s What what  makes the other person’s boat what floats the other person’s boat and you haven’t even communicate Communicated what floats your boat and so on so it’s there.

 

It’s a communication thing. So it’s these two sides I think once is your relationship to yourself and one is the connection to others, right? I’m surprised any good sex ever happens at all from real encounters. Yeah, because You know, nobody talks about what anybody wants or how anything’s going exactly.

 

People arrive, it happens, and it’s like down to chance or the luck of the gods, lap of the gods. It’s like down to the lottery numbers. It’s really, really chance, isn’t it? Yeah. So there’s something for me, first of all, and also I want to also bring in, Um, relate, you know, sex that happens in relationships.

 

So maybe with, maybe with a boyfriend, maybe with a husband, and you know, maybe you’ve been together a few years. Yeah. And it’s like, I also want to talk about, are you having the type of sex that you want to have in that relationship? Are you having the connections that you want? Are you having the sex that you want?

 

Are you having the, the, Um, yeah, the, the, the, the connections that, that you want. So I think there’s several different categories. I’ve always said that  your best sex starts with you  and your relationship to sensations that are going on in your body and how you are able to meet those. So what I mean by that is.

 

If somebody’s stroking your cock, okay, somebody’s stroking your cock, how present are you to the sensations that are happening in your cock at that time? And also, you know, if somebody’s touching your chest, or your nipples, or your back, or your shoulders, any parts of you, what are you doing? What,  how present and what relationship do you have to these parts in your body?

 

Like if somebody touches you in a tantra workshop, typically people are shuddering and having an orgasm and people new to tantra looking at them going, They must be fucking crazy, or they’re making it up. Like, how many times have we seen in Go, where there’s been more experienced tantric students, you know, and someone, you know, the wind catches them in a, in a, in a direction, and they’re, they’re convulsing on the floor in ecstatic orgasm, and the person, like, Bob’s arrived.

 

Sorry if your name’s Bob, listening to this. Bob’s arrived for the first time ever, having even thought about this, and may not have had any sex in the last 10, 20 years and is looking, going, they’re making that up. That cannot be true. That cannot be real. And I think that everybody is on the spectrum in between those places.

 

And I think that There’s something about, on the tantric journey and also, I think, also on your sexual journey, there’s something about,  you know, what kind of sex do I want to have? And if I want really good sex, how am I meeting those sensations in my body? How am I fully absorbing myself? How am I totally surrendering to those? 

 

Because I think also the other bit that can be going on is, is the chatter of the mind.  I wanted to give you a second there before I yap on about the chatter of the mind. I think what you’re saying is one of these very, very basic questions of tantra that, you know, we need to get right first, which is during  sex, or let’s say when I’m being touched, whether that’s sexually or sensually or massage or something else is all the same. 

 

When I’m being touched in that very moment.  I am being pre am I being present with the touch itself and how it feels in my body  one option or  Am I going off into some mind created stuff into fantasies or something? Like, am I being present with the touch itself, or, for example, am I, uh, am I fantasizing about what else this masseur could do to me, or am I going off into thoughts whether I fancy that person or not, or am I going off into some memories of, let’s say, a, a, uh, A piece of porn that I really like or something like that and all of these things  Um usually do happen during sex, but it’s about recognizing that Whenever I go off into those things, I’m, I’m not with what is happening in the present moment, which is the touch  and how that works itself through my body in really amazing ways.

 

And, and the, the moment where I go off into these mind created, it’s called them fantasies for a moment, nothing bad about fantasy, but you know, the moment I go off into these fantasies, I’m shutting Something off and that something is actually.  To really be with my body’s reactions to that amazing touch in that moment And when I shut that off I shut off one of the main doorways To good sex.

 

Can we talk a little bit about why? Yeah, people would struggle to be present And may go off into fantasies and may go off into different places and one of the reasons I can think of is that people People I think there can often be a insecurity, I think there’s insecurities and I also think there’s something about expectation when you move into expectation of how you should perform and be.

 

So the first one,  I believe we all carry insecurities about how we look, we don’t feel good enough, you know, for me, you know, I look in the mirror and I could tell you a whole list of things.  That I think are wrong.  And, um, for me, there’s like all those insecurities and I sometimes feel like I’m having a battle with those, you know, and, and I fluctuate between feeling confident, feeling sexy, feeling attractive, and then being able to engage.

 

And other times I feel insecure, not good enough. Nobody wants me. Um, you know, it’s, um, I’m not all of these things. And, um,  And the, and, and then in that I can become paralyzed. And I think that happens for people in sex itself, that people can become paralyzed by their insecurities.  Yeah. That, that’s another, um, example, these insecurities, um, when you are with these insecurities Yeah.

 

Then you are basically in your mind. Mm-Hmm. , you’re not, you’re not with. The pure sensation anymore, you will, you will be with this loop almost like, Oh God, I don’t like this part of my body. Is my partner going to like it or not? So you’re already not there anymore. Yes. So, and, and, and that leads well from, from a Buddhist perspective, it would lead to suffering because you’re not present with what is, but from a purely sexual perspective, I would say  it leads to. 

 

You’re not feeling the full spectrum of what is actually happening to you. So you are, you’re missing the best. Well, let’s, let’s even open that up a little bit more as well. Because when somebody is going through an insecurity, for me that’s coming from the mind. That’s coming from the ego. That’s coming from a judgment. 

 

And. Is likely not to be what the other person is perceiving and also unlikely to be what everybody else agrees and I’m not taking away from the fact that people or we would have those insecurities. I’m not taking away from that, but there’s a question for me about how much do you want to believe that insecurity that you’re having? 

 

And for some people, they’re utterly paralyzed by that insecurity to a point where they become, they become that insecurity. And I know some people, of the people that we’ve helped over the very long time we’ve been doing this.  That they are still 10, 15, 20 years later, still stuck  with the same insecurity because they either  could not imagine a possibility of not being that insecurity or that they’ve held on to it so tightly they’ve become conditioned around that.

 

And again, you know, dear listeners, as you’re listening, one of the things I would ask is, you know, how  do you know anybody or do you recognize parts in yourself where you’re clinging on to a negative idea of yourself?  And that you couldn’t possibly imagine letting that go But a Byron Katie question would be  Who would I be?

 

without that thought So for me when you’re looking at your insecurities  There’s some questions of can you just let those insecurities just bubble up like, you know, a fizzy drink with the bubbles coming up to the surface without necessarily getting involved in them. Could you just witness them, just see them as those insecurities?

 

and let them float by and notice the ones that you get caught up in. Notice the ones that really trigger you or that really, um, you are paralyzed by, that you really believe.  And for me, those are the ones that require some work to be done in terms of how you Deal with those insecurities so as I said you could be and I say you choose and and that’s also a controversial thing to say That you could choose to let go of that insecurity because you really do have choice You really do have choice and again here at this point I’m utterly compassionate that we have all been through in different ways, different levels of trauma, different things that have happened in our lives, different experiences. 

 

And I’m not talking to the more severe cases or the more severe traumas because a podcast isn’t the way to do that.  But I’m talking about, you know, those more general things that may have happened and Realizing for me the spiritual growth is recognizing that you have choice you can choose Whether you want to believe that insecurity or not and a cbt method  Not cock and ball torture as my normal joke of CBT, but cognitive behavioral therapy, um,  view would be, you know, around, is, is, is this true?

 

What evidence do I have that this insecurity is true?  And also there’s another bit around, okay, I’ve got this insecurity, I think, I don’t know, I’m fat. For me, you know, I have a slight tummy at this age. I’ve also got another nice bits. It’s like, how much do I want to get involved in that? Okay. Sometimes I feel insecure about that, but other times it’s like, oh, well, you know, the information I get from other people is that they find me sexy.

 

So whether I’ve got a tummy or not, it doesn’t really matter.  And it’s like these insecurities that you carry that paralyze you. There’s something about CBT method about disputing. How you dispute the insecurity and how much power you want to give it and how much you just think fuck it and you just kind of move through.

 

Or you still act the same way regardless of the insecurity. I think that’s the other thing I would say.  I like your, um, Byron Katie question because what you say, um, goes right into this  very, uh, fundamental tantric perspective  is that  we go and, you know, after, when we are born, possibly even before, but especially after we are born with our biography, with our family, with what we go through all of our, um, experiences,  we go through a process called conditioning. 

 

Uh, we are conditioned into many, many, many beliefs that we carry around with us and, and many, um, automated, uh, emotional reactions and all of that. This, from a tantric perspective, is all conditioning. It’s real. So we cannot just say oh this this this is nothing It’s real but at the same time it’s not the essence of who you are  What you really are is way way way way beyond that You could you know one metaphor would be you are the ocean and those Uh belief systems, they’re just ripples You know, like ripples of waves  on the ocean.

 

So the question is, as you say, one big meditation in Tantra is, um, you know,  don’t believe your thoughts. Don’t believe your emotions, which means  See them as real, but also see them as something that is not your essence. Your essence is completely beyond that. And in, in, in the way that in the Tantra that we teach you and me,  um,  what, what we use, I think we have talked about that in other podcasts is we use.

 

Um, techniques such as multi orgasmic techniques to break through to the direct realization  that you are something that is completely beyond any thoughts, any emotions. Um, and once you have gone through that experience, which we call, we usually call that a glimpse,  then you know what you really are. And then you will, you will, you will see. 

 

All of these, uh,  conditionings that you carry, you will see that they are still real,  and they can still be really painful,  but you see them from a different perspective, and then you can start  working with these. Does it make sense? Working with these from a different perspective. Perspective. Well, and I also, as you’re talking, want to dip into what I would say, what are judgments?

 

Like, who decides  whether somebody is fat or thin, or who decides if somebody is, I don’t know, what other, old or young? You know, when you, when you look at different insecurities that we have, or I’m not good enough at, I’m not good enough at sex, or I’m not good enough at this person, or this person is better than me.

 

Yes. If you just look at all of those judgements, for me it’s like, well, who is judging that? It’s like, who is setting the criteria? And what we also know is that judgments are subjective. So what you may judge.  for you in one place. Actually, if we had a hundred people in the room, a huge proportion of them may be like, what on earth are you talking about?

 

That’s not, I don’t see that. So it’s, it, there’s something for me about this also, like, loop that can happen is you have a judgment, you have an insecurity, and you believe it to be true, and what some people do is they look for other people to validate that. You know, also people look for other relationships, friendships, sometimes to validate the negative aspects of themselves, so that they can fulfill that belief that that’s true. 

 

But for me, judgments are subjective. It’s like, who’s to say if somebody’s young or old? What does young or old mean? Well, at the age of 10, a 21 year old person is, is old. old. Whereas if you’re 81, looking at a 21 year old, they’re very young. So it’s completely subjective in that way.  What we also know, you know, when we talk about body shape as another example, you know, it’s a huge spectrum of different people’s, you know, Um, interpretations and different people’s judgments and again, who’s to say what is right and what is wrong?

 

Who’s to say that and even if you can accept that part in yourself? Who am I to say whether this is right or wrong? Who am I to say whether i’m old or young? Who am I to say whether i’m fat or skinny or anything in between who am I if you could just let go?  I think there’s something about the letting go of the judgments that can release you from the prison so that for example when you’re in sex  And those insecurities can come up.

 

You’re not paying them any attention and they float by and you can get on with what else, what else there is to be getting on with. Or, I think also from a spiritual perspective, you can be more present with what’s happening because the mind hasn’t gone off to deal with 20 insecurities that you’re dealing with. 

 

Well,  to bring this back to the topic, um, how to move, you know, in Tantra, how to move from, from bad sex to good sex.  I would say, uh, that where you can start dear listener  is  whenever, for example, insecurities come up during sex, like a meditation,  bring your awareness.  Back to the sensation. Yes, let’s say you are you’re being Caressed by someone in in a massage  So and and your mind goes off into insecurities bring  Your awareness back to that person Place where his hand Meets your skin and when it moves across your skin and you only focus on that  and that is It’s a way of being that um, I would say requires practice  quite a while to to to to to get the hang of it, but what you can do  Is, let’s say during a massage that you’re being given, take it as a meditation and bring your awareness always back to the pure sensation.

 

So what you’re doing is, you don’t deconstruct your insecurity or something like that, but you’re basically, uh, giving, um, your, your mind the signal. Okay.  Put this to the side for a moment insecurity, you know as my teacher says sit back in um the corner i’ve got Something else to do and that’s something else that is To purely be worth the sensation The other thing I want to talk about whilst we’re here with insecurities.

 

We may have to  relabel relabel this podcast Because we’re still on the what was the  We’re still on insecurities. Well, the other thing for me, whilst we’re here with insecurities is around shame.  And, you know, again, how many times have we seen in workshops where men. aren’t able to fully express the sensations that they’re feeling in their body for whatever reasons.

 

And I think some of those reasons are about shame of being seen.  Yes. Or shame of being witnessed in ecstasy or in pleasure. By the person, witnessed by the person you are with. Yeah, office of workshop persons. Yeah, yeah, but I probably,  probably for you dear listeners, the more, you know, the more important  kind of situation is, is, you know, if I’m being with a person, let’s say I met them on Grindr.

 

Yes. Can I really express myself in front of them? Yes. And most people will be like,  Arrgh! There will be some cringe in that idea, won’t there? And again, there’s a whole other range of judgments that we have about being seen or witnessed in our pleasure, because I think there’s something about,  well, there’s two things that occur to me that are competing for my brain at the same time.

 

There’s certainly something about the image of ourselves That we put out into the world of how we want people to see us and therefore When we’re in situations, we can’t be anything other than how we have projected ourself into the world  And so I can’t allow myself to say scream or be fully in a deep Deep orgasmic state  convulsing toe curling because actually that isn’t how I’m putting myself out in the world to be And again, this is what I call paper houses because actually You know, the minute that you try to build an identity or to build a construct of who you think you are That for me is the starting point of suffering.

 

That’s the starting point of suppressing yourself holding yourself back not being the the the truer you that is far bigger than the constructed idea of you And the constructed idea of you can often come about through insecurities. Again, coming back to this insecurities around, I’m not good enough, um, for whatever reasons.

 

Therefore, I’m going to construct a version of myself that may be acceptable, may be desirable, may be wanted by others.  But  the thing for me in Tantra is that none of the way that sexual energy is deployed  is based upon how you look.  There is a energetic attraction that goes beyond physical attraction.

 

There’s like a soul attraction, a soul energy when you see people that are maybe attracted to each other for something beyond the physical, um, Um, the physics beyond the physical, and there’s also something in here about the freedom of being able to express who you are to the full capacity of you  without needing to hold anything back with it, without believing any of the insecurities that you that you have.

 

And for me, work on those things, work on shame. Working on being able to express yourself, working on those judgments that you have about yourself, for me are all those initial barriers that get in the way of you having the best sex that you could have.  And sometimes, we would project onto the experience of the sex, well that wasn’t very good, was it?

 

That wasn’t very enjoyable. And we can make the sex itself wrong, or we make the other person wrong, when actually what might be being driven is all this stuff that’s going on with us. This reminds me of some of these tantric experiences where for me personally at least it’s like  when I first Experienced my sexual energy what what I now know is really my real sexual energy.

 

Yeah, and that was in tantrum  it’s like It’s like an energy that is infinite and that will take control of you. You almost have no control in that.  And whenever I try, you know, whenever I try to then go into one of these identities that you’re talking about, oh, but, but I’m actually  a top who needs to be in control or something like that.

 

Then, and, but, but what’s coming up is far, far beyond that. Or, oh, um, I’m actually, I’m actually a top who A well behaved person and my sex needs to be well behaved i’m i’m suppressing something but once you get  Once you, you open this energy and you get on board with this energy, it feels like almost  something  overwhelming.

 

That something, it’s, it’s, it’s like an infinite energy you need to get on board with  and you don’t have much to say anymore. Actually, Your analytic mind doesn’t have much to say anymore. It’s like something infinite taking over. That you are, you are that. But when you connect to it for the first time,  it’s going to feel almost alien, almost like not you, because your mind is going to say, oh, wait a minute, but I’m, oh God, but I’m a top.

 

I’m, I’m just a bottom. Or I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m this. So I’m that, or I’m well behaved. Or I’m not into that type of sex. I’m rather into.  But all of these things, they, they, they basically fly overboard and something bigger than you takes over. It does.  Thank you.  The other insecurity I think we see quite often is, um, Oh, I’m, I’m just a giver.

 

I don’t, I don’t receive.  And, um,  For me, that can feel like a very safe place to put yourself. Because if you’re just giving in sex, you know, that can come down to, I just give out blowjobs to people, and that can feel, you know, enjoyable.  Or I just give to the other person. That can be a place of putting yourself into a safe space so that you can’t be hurt. 

 

And there’s always for me, whenever I come across this in people, there’s this little voice in the back that sits there that says, what about me? You know, and some of you listening, some of you listening may identify with yourself as feeling like you’re permanent givers in sex. And actually.  There’s something about, you know, well, actually, what about me?

 

And there’s an insecurity. And again, there’s a layer of conditioning here that it can be very well trodden shoes that you’ve been in a giving role for so long that actually some of you listening may just be like, I actually don’t know how to receive, and we take that even one step further.  I don’t even know what desires or fantasies I have, because actually what I’ve been focused on is the other person’s pleasure, and making sure they have a good time, and Again, I’m sorry for this there’s the shadow part that could be so that one they love me or they appreciate me or or I feel Needed it could be those or other other Ideas, but again that being in a giving role because to receive in sex  There’s something about making yourself vulnerable.

 

There’s there’s a vulnerability So it basically what you are saying, I completely agree with this  It can be several things or a combination of several things it can be like  as long as i’m giving i’m in control Yeah, and I actually don’t wanna give up control and and make myself vulnerable It could also be I simply don’t know what my desires are  It could also be, uh, as you said, really importantly, it’s like, um,  I, I, I actually,  I, I, I need to, to,  I need to do something for the other person because otherwise I don’t feel worthy.

 

Yes. Maybe. Yes. You know? Yeah. So all of these, these blocks. A  worthiness.  Oh my god, that’s a massive one worthiness to receive pleasure exactly can be a total roadblock I need to give something first in order to maybe receive later But i’m not i’m never getting there because i’m always feel that i’m not giving enough Let me just talk to this worthiness part.

 

Yeah, exactly because for me in tantra There is this universal belief that everything is bliss. Like, that is the starting point of the universe. And bliss for me is the perpetual state of orgasm operating at a constant frequency.  And that everything else is a, a step away from that. But that is the truth of who we are. 

 

That we are holding, we are vibrations, universal vibrate, vibrations of bliss. This is the enlightenment to realize that is the truth of you.  And everything else is what we’re dealing with that gets in the way of, of recognizing that. So for  Being is, being in a human body, being in a body, there for me is a universal right,  or that you already are this pleasure, this orgasm, this ecstasy.

 

So, it’s, it’s, it’s, worthiness is not even a question, you are already those things. And it’s like, how do you put yourself in places, situations, and experiences to experience them on your own, share them with others, In all different contexts The question is how to get there how to get to an ex direct experience.

 

Um of that and practically, uh, you know with this giving and receiving one thing that we do in tantra very practically and that you You can do this in any sexual essential interaction is to basically say to to the person you are with  How about this? How about if we divvy up the time that we have together?

 

50 50  and say  First half, I’m giving, you’re receiving. Second half, you’re giving, I’m receiving. And we are really gonna stay in these roles. Because if you, if you structure your time like this, you’re actually paying attention. Putting out, you know, you’re putting out a structure that is going to teach you so, so, so much because when you’re really in that receiving role, uh, you know, you might struggle with it at first.

 

It might feel awkward. You might not know what it is that you want to receive. You might feel out of control, all of these things, but actually  all of this  really letting yourself go into receiving teaches you something. And if you do this often enough, um, this is the gateway to what you just mentioned to realize  that, that, that your bliss is already in your, within yourself, this, this, this very, very simple, um,  ritualizing of encounters that you have with, with, with, with sex partners, uh, can actually, it’s, it’s, actually kind of meditation that can.

 

Bring your very very very fine the knowledge of yourself as that person that deserves to receive And again, I think there’s there’s a piece of homework for everybody to do Around how do I let myself? deeply and truly really receive In as osha would describe it a totality. How do I totally allow myself?

 

to receive and If you explore that for a minute, what’s required is a letting go of any judgments, any shame, any ideas you’ve got going on. There’s also what you’re, um, allowing yourself to do is to express through sound, through breathing, through your body, to really, really meet what’s happening.  And for me then in Tantra, when those two things happen, this is then starting the process of what I call journeying.

 

And there’s sometimes sexual encounters that you can have with other people that feel that have gone what I would call inter dimensional. So it’s like where it’s gone beyond the normal. physical mechanics, but that there’s something else happening. There’s something else available. And again, this is like steps into tantric sex.

 

Yes. There’s steps into where the sex then becomes not just about the, uh, mechanics, but actually it becomes about something more becomes an exploration. It becomes a journey. It becomes a shared experience. Way beyond the sex that people normally have. I don’t know if that makes any sense at all.  That makes complete sense.

 

But it’s like, uh, I think the, these,  for someone who hasn’t experienced this, um, I think it’s these two really important things that, that, that we until now in this podcast is structure your time. Into clear roles of given receiver and if you’re receiving  Go really really into the sensation. I think that’s one One way yes equally there’s sex doesn’t always happen in that mechanical way.

 

I think that’s one ritual That’s incredibly useful as a tool and would be one of our top tips  To allow yourself into that role of receiving that’s how I mean it. Yeah, but there’s also another way around how does sex happen organically? You  And what conversations are you having about sex beforehand? Oh, yeah, that is enabling it to happen organically So I think that’s a really good idea the first part to structure that, you know Well, you we haven’t even talked about what you’re just mentioning.

 

We haven’t even talked about Communication and connection yet. Yes that way because as you say if If you, you know, in order to, to let it happen organically, there needs to be a process of communication before basically end of connection. It won’t, as you said before, it won’t happen just, uh, by chance  with a person you don’t know, for example.

 

Maybe that’s another podcast.  Yeah, we are getting towards the end would you believe of our time together on this podcast And I just wanted to like recap a little bit about what we say because I think we started around I’m having rubbish sex and I can’t get the sex partners I want and maybe that’s like an overriding theme But I think here what we’ve talked about in a lot of detail today is where it’s Our insecurities can get in the way, so I’m probably going to relabel this podcast around, you know, insecurities and also things around shame that come up about us and actually how, you know, we’ve given some ideas and suggestions about how you may be able to move past those and surrender yourself more to what’s going on in your body.

 

Um, you know, we’ve talked at length about that.  Exactly.  Wow. We are, we are almost  at the end of our podcast for today. We are. So what, what would be some of the top, what would be some of the top things that we just said today? Let’s just bullet point those through. One for me is, Mm-Hmm. . That there’s something about disputing the judgments that you have of you and your body and Yes.

 

And what you think about that. Yes, the other one is when these judgments or any insecurities come up during sex to always bring Like a meditation your awareness back to The touch that you’re receiving. Yeah, and then there’s something we also said about disputing the judgments that you have Are they really true?

 

You know if you put a hundred people in the room with all hundred people say that And also does it really matter whether whether what’s going on with you? You Um, again, I’ve said this in previous podcasts and I’ll say this again In my 16 years of working as a tantric practitioner tantra coach tantric masseur My best clients were not always the best looking ones My best clients were those like we’re talking today That were able to cast aside all of this about them themselves and just be able to meet what is happening in their body and be present to that experience.

 

Those were like the best sessions that we ever had.  Listen, dear listener, we hope today has been useful to you, um, and that it’s been, you know, I think, you know, for me, the title of this podcast would be around insecurities and shame. As blocks to having the best sex. So I think I’m gonna re label this as, as that.

 

And I really hope that’s been of service to you. Please pop some comments in if you want to, um, talk about that, or if this has brought anything up for you. We’d be very welcome to, um, hear that.  Um, and at the time that we release this podcast, we are starting to be getting towards the end of the year and we are looking towards what Ingo and I are offering you in 2025.

 

And it’s our intention to be both sides of the pond, so definitely both in the UK and the USA. Um, we’re just going to give you a quick summary. We start the year in May, um, doing a weekend workshop about London in London,  about Tantra kink BDSM. Um, if you’re interested, that should be on the website at the time, the podcast launches, then we’re hopping across the pond. 

 

to do a um retreat in upstate new york one of our diploma weeks so really deep profound that is not that is not just one of our diploma weeks that’s a brand new diploma week it is designed it’s called birth sex and death and we we we we have you know be prepared for a really really profound quite a trip is that i mean for me that really um speaks to people that are interested in exploring Literally the topic of birth, sex, and death.

 

And we have quite a few surprises up our sleeves. Because it would be like, you know, How would it be to attend your own funeral? What would people say about you? How does sex and death and Tantra kind of fuse together? And we have some rituals. Really deep, profound week. Only five places left for that one.

 

And we’re also then hopping back across the pond, Ingo. And we are teaching the same thing again the same retreat birth sex and death, but this time in Glastonbury uk in it’s the second week of july. That’s it And then at the end of july i’m going to do another london weekend workshop um around ultimate tantric massage So if you’re interested in tantric massage That is a really beautiful weekend to be part of and that brings us to late august  Um, at which time, always, every time, end of August, it’s our festival, the Tantra Love Festival, in Glastonbury, in the UK.

 

Yeah, we’re already well developed in the plans for that. It’s been an amazing, amazing week. And then, we hop across the pond, and, um, I’m starting a mini tour. Um doing four weekend workshops full tour four workshops. It’s a full tour  Boston yes, uh, miami Um palms miami fort lauderdale miami fort lauderdale.

 

So boston miami fort lauderdale. Yes  Palm Springs. Yes and Bay Area, San Francisco in San Francisco this time. Ah And also before that at the early part of October there is gonna be a brand new event that we’re doing again in upstate New York it is the brother to the tantra love festival called the tantra love experience  over 50 men over five days Um, and I’m bringing in some very special teachers and facilitators to do that.

 

Then Ingo,  at the end of October, we then hop back across the pond. And in Glastonbury. In, well, no, we start with a London weekend. Ah, okay. In the middle of November. And then we’ve got a divinity of bliss diploma week in the middle of November. Um, in beautiful Glastonbury. So listen, really full, um, year.

 

Yeah. Um, very exciting, um, details on our website, tantra4gaymen.  com.  Okay, I hope you’ve enjoyed this podcast. Um, I think it’s been slightly unexpected for us, but I think we’ve picked on really good topics.  Amazing. Yeah.  All right. Thank you. Thank you, Ingo. dear listeners. my darling. And we’ll see you on the next podcast.

 

Thank you, dear listeners.  And see you soon. Take care. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye.  So, I really hoped that you enjoyed today’s podcast with Ingo and I. Um, it was our joy to, um, share and explore this with you, and a surprise to the group content and where we went to, but yeah, really good topic. I really hope that that served you.

 

Listen, if you want details of all of the workshops, retreats and festival, just check them out on our website, tantra4gaymen.  com and look forward to seeing you in the next episode. Take care till then. Bye bye. 

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